I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
