my mouth tastes like poor choices
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
