you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
