If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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