Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
