Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
