they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
