we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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