I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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