i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
