new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
