Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
party gras won. party gras always wins.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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