As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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