i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
