I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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