I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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