it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
