I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
These tits shall not be calmed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
