if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
