grandma shit on top of the toilet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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