Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
