Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I deserve this hangover.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
