Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
