Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
