I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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