Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
