Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
