I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
