I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Houston, we have a squirter
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
