I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
