yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
