you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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