he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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