She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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