I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
where are my eyebrows?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
