ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
