I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
