my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
