my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
