fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They have beer where we have blood.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
