somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
