I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
