So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
