what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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