i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
