I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
