It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
