Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
