and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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