if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
